Donald Trump Explains Movie Plots

donald trump

 


Zero Dark Thirty


Zero Dark Thirty. THE MAN IS IN PAKISTAN. I knew it the whole time. You don’t think I knew? I knew, believe me. Should’ve asked.


Top Gun


Tom Cruise, Maverick, the best pilot. Ok. Thanks for your service. Kills his friend, his wingman. Kills him. It happened. It’s true what they say: he’s a dangerous man.


The Matrix


Neo, “The One,” apparently. Stops bullets. Well, dodges bullets first. Takes him a while. I don’t know, I prefer living in the Matrix. Am I wrong? It’s a better world. It is.


The Dark Knight


Batman, he’s a Bat Man. He likes bats, apparently. The Joker tells jokes or something, I don’t know, other people are saying this. I haven’t seen it, but it’s a good movie. It’s very good.


Finding Nemo


So, Nemo, he’s gone. Dory looks for him. And good for her, okay? No, seriously, good for her. I wouldn’t do that. You want me to find you? Don’t get lost. Simple.


The Sixth Sense


This kid, he sees dead people. Nobody believes him, I don’t believe him. His shrink-he has a shrink-Bruce Willis, never speaks to his wife, which, I understand. Turns out, Bruce is dead the whole time. When I’m a ghost, I’ll know.


The Martian


So, Matt Damon, he’s on Mars. I don’t care. I really don’t. It’s not my fault he got left behind. How is it my fault?


Forrest Gump


This guy, Forrest Gump. Very stupid. But, American hero. Jenny? I’ve had better. Hippies are terrible people. Just terrible.


Brokeback Mountain


Two guys-they’re cowboys-they’re in love. Not a problem. BUT. They don’t end up together. Why? Too scared. Losers.


Lost in Translation


Bill Murray goes to Japan. Sad the entire time. He meets a young woman, too. Blows it. Absolutely blows it. Not me.


Memento


Guy has short term memory loss, looks for his wife’s killer. Tattoos all over his body. I remember everything. Not a single tattoo. Not one.


The Usual Suspects


Keyser Soze, family man, gets things done. Lies to the cops and gets away. If I was a cop, that would never happen.


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